The Power of One: Why Healthy Independence is the Secret to Lasting Companionship
The balance between “you” and "you and me" is essential to success in long-term relationships. While you may want to be inseparable initially, a lasting, fulfilling partnership actually requires a healthy amount of independence.
In society, we are sold the myth of our "better half" which is the idea that we are incomplete until we find someone who completes us.
However, psychological research suggests the opposite is true: a relationship is healthiest when it consists of two whole individuals rather than two halves. Well, part of being a “whole” individual is maintaining a healthy lifestyle outside of the relationship. It’s about maintaining your sense of self, so that you have the wherewithal to deeply commit to your partner.
The Benefits of Maintaining Autonomy
Having your own interests, friendships, and goals, benefits the relationship in several key ways:
Prevents Resentment: Sacrificing your own interests, friendships or social life for time with your partner eventually leads to partner-burnout and "quiet "resentment over time.
Sustains Attraction: Many find it attractive when they know their partner thrives without them.
Sustains Independence: If your entire identity is wrapped up in your partner, you begin to feel like you’re losing yourself. Having your own life outside of the relationship makes you more secure and confident, in the relationship.
How to Cultivate Your Own Space
If you feel you and your partner’s lives have become too intertwined, you can begin to reclaim your independence through small, intentional steps:
Maintain Your Friendships: Don't let your friendships fade. Spend time with people who knew you before you were in the relationship.
Pursue Solo Hobbies: Whether it’s a solo hike, a pottery class, or simply reading at a coffee shop, engage in activities that are just for you.
Practice Emotional Self-Regulation: Learn to soothe your own anxieties or frustrations sometimes, rather than always looking to your partner to help your mood.
Set Boundaries Around Time: It is okay to say, "I love you, but I need some alone time."
The Bottom Line
Interdependence is the goal.
In romantic relationships, interdependence is the healthy "middle ground" where two people recognize the value of their emotional bond while maintaining their individual identities and autonomy.
This is the sweet spot where two people are strong enough to stand on their own, but wise enough to know they are better together. By honoring your own individuality, you actually bring more to the table, ensuring that your partnership remains a choice made every day.
